Welcome!

I'm excited you stopped by. I'm here to share the ins & outs of my journey through single parenthood, and to gather single parents & their supporters to share ideas on how we can be successful, happy families.

Please take a look around and offer any feedback to me or advice to others. Good luck on your journey! 

Sí se puede!

Si se puede means "Yes, it can be done!" or "Yes, it is possible!" While I don't speak Spanish, I like using this saying; it's quite liberating  - and appropriate for parents like me.

Yes, it is possible to be a successful, happy single parent; yes, I can be this person today!

Have you noticed that "can" is a very powerful word? I'm trying as often as possible to replace "should" with "can" when I'm running down my never-ending list of things to do.

When I think "should" do something, I become one more person in my life that I have to nag and potentially be let down by. But when I "can" do something, I have one more choice available to me, and I am empowered.

But can I really be successful as a single parent? And can I be happy too? The answer is yes, if I choose to let go of my fear.

There is great fear in having the sole responsibility of raising children. There can be an almost certainty that you do not have enough love, time, strength, energy, patience & worth to be entrusted with this awesome task.

There is even temptation to accept less than what you deserve in a partner just so that you don't have waste time proving to yourself and your loved ones all the things you've decided you can not do.

My loved ones tell me I am a success story. They point to the two beautiful daughters I raise - who love, trust, and rely on me - and say that I must be doing something right.

Now, I am learning to listen to them. I am learning that I have wasted so much time on my fears, and I am unable to get that time back.

I am learning that success and happiness are not destinations, but states of mind. Every day that I wake up and decide to model these mindsets is a day that I do in fact succeed, and enjoy life.

It is also a day that I teach my children a little something too. I show them that they can live in fear, or they can live in love, but not both. I've made my choice - what is yours?

Please consider some of the most powerful words I have ever read - a speech given by Nelson Mandela:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

"You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Holiday Health Diary - Day 1

My commitment to Holiday Health got off to a decent start because I began a Food & Exercise Journal, courtesy of The Calorie King.

I got the journal and it's counterpart, a "Calorie Counter" book, at Kaiser about a year ago now. They've been sitting around in somewhat obvious "remember me?" places around my house as little reminders of my need to get on track.

So for my first day on my road to health, I finally whipped those puppies out and began the, frankly, depressing task of recording my food intake. I didn't try to reduce my consumption, because I knew it would be good to get an idea of "normal" before I started trying to cut back.

My total calories ended up being about 2,250. The journal also tracks Fat intake, but since I'm still living on Thanksgiving leftovers (hey, I'm poor, I gotta make those last), I really didn't want to go there.

The interesting thing was when I did a little internet search for how many calories I should be consuming. The numbers are all over the place, depending upon where you look. I'm somewhere in the Sedentary to Lightly Active category (it seems like running around after a toddler should count for something!). Suggestions for maintaining my weight ranged from 1,800 to 2,200.

I have taken nutrition courses before, so I know the safe thing to do is to eat 500 less calories per day. This adds up to 3,500 calories per week, which is considered what it takes to gain or lose a pound. It seems like I should probably be consuming about 1,300 to 1,500 calories to lose weight in a steady, long-term results manner.

Other than that, I would rate my stress level at a 6 because I had a frustrating meeting at Aly's school (don't want to go there right now), and I only got about 6 hours of sleep. See ya tomorrow!

Holiday Health Diary - Intro

Did you gain five pounds this holiday? I probably did. And I'm well aware that another ten are lurking around holiday parties, my birthday, and four-day weekends for Christmas and New Year's.

But the more time I get to spend with my girls during these long weekends, the more I want to spend with them. If I don't start leading a healthier lifestyle, I won't get that time. That's just a fact.

So tomorrow I'm starting a Holiday Health Diary. Everyday this month I'm going to admit what I have or haven't done to maintain my health and invest in a long future.

This needn't be an unrealistic marathon of two-hour workouts and 1,000 calorie days. Baby steps like a day of drinking all the water I should will suffice. I should probably note how much sleep I'm getting too.

And there will be days when I don't embrace anything healthy whatsoever. These will be similiar to many of my other rants about this thing called my life. But maybe I can start drawing important parallels between "Aly drove me crazy today" and "I had seconds plus dessert tonight."

So what do you say? Will you hold me accountable? Good! See ya tomorrow!

Finding Precious Time

I recently rearranged my daytime schedule to find 4 1/2 precious hours to divy up amongst the most important people in my life.

On Monday mornings, I start work a bit late and I drop off Aly a bit early, so AJ and I can enjoy 1 1/2 hours of quality time. I love this because mornings are her best-behaved time, and I rarely get to see it!

On Wednesdays, Aly gets off school an hour early, so I also get off early and pick up AJ a little later than usual; then Aly can also get her quality time with me.

And perhaps most importantly, I get off early on Thursdays, so that I get an hour and a half all to myself before I pick up either girl. Every week. It's awesome!

The last couple of weeks, I have used my time to clean. It may be a waste of time for some people, but to me it's almost soothing - and good exercise! I don't have to stop every few minutes to solve a conflict, and I don't have a toddler following behind me trying to "help" by undoing the progress I've just made. It's great!

I've also promised myself that one Thursday a month, I will go get a pedicure. I absolutely love these, and I've decided to make that $20 a priority. My poor feet are always on the go, and they deserve a little break.

The biggest benefit to working longer and harder on the other workdays is that I feel less guilty. Each girl gets a little Mommy & Me time, and I also get a little me time. Everybody wins!

So give the gift of time this year - it's the gift that keeps on giving!

Help With Home Energy Costs

My Gas & Electric bill is the "red-headed step-child" in my budget, so to speak. It takes a backseat to most of my other bills, because it can.

Rent, obviously, has to get paid. The landlord is quick to serve Pay or Quit Notices, and as I rebuild my credit, having a perfect rent-paying record is important to future landlords.

Speaking of credit, paying my credit cards on time and making more than my minimum payment is also a priority for me. This does affect your credit rating, and someday I'd like to think I won't be in such dire straits and would like to buy a house. Every month I'm responsible in this area gets me closer to that goal.

Obviously there's food, health and car insurance, and other necessities. Can't wait til next month to eat!

So if there's a bill I have to put off a month, it's usually PG&E. They don't report to credit agencies if you are late, only if you get sent to collections. If your bills are normally low, you can sometimes skip two months before they send you a shut off notice.

In my case, as child support comes and goes, I can usually pay off my balance within the next month. It is nice to have some flexibility though.

But what happens if you've done as I have, but just ended up with an even larger bill you can't pay? More and more people are struggling right now, so it's increasingly common.

There are programs to help, like the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program. You can apply to receive one-time payment that's made directly to your utility company. Here are a list of agencies in California you can turn to.

The hard part is that it can take 4 to 6 weeks for the company to get the payment, so be careful. If you happen to know that a layoff or something is coming, apply early.

For regular assistance, the CARE program through PG&E discounts your monthly bills by 20% if you're low-income (for a family of three, an annual income less than $35,800). For programs outside of California, simply Google "low income energy assistance" and the name of your state.

Stay warm!